Paul: 1 revision

2014-05-15T07:36:34Z

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Paul at 07:42, 12 November 2011

2011-11-12T07:42:37Z

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==Overview==
This describes my journey though emotional pains, trauma, cover-up, breakdown and recovery.

==Childhood trauma==

I grew up on what seems from outside as a perfect family home, surrounded with affluence ,social respect, religious family. From early childhood, I suffered great deal of emotional pains and trauma

===Unwanted Child===
Born a year after my sister, after a difficult pregnancy to a mother who was emotionally detached.
Given very little attention as an infant, years later my mother admits that she never really handled me as a child, that task was left to a hired maid; about 10 years old uneducated girl.

===Emotional and Verbals abuse===
I recognized early on, that I was not wanted and not loved, so I acted in angry and resentful fashion, this only worsen the situation and resulted on being called names and labeled as a troubled and abnormal child, since my parents refused to admit that there were able to provide me with the Love, Security and Emotional comfort that a child needed.

I developed severe anxiety manifested in stutter, was so severe at times that I avoided many encounters and developed other unhealthy means to seek attention and sympathy.

==Very Troubled Teenager==
Resorted to violence and some bullying at school, violence at home

==New Life, same emotions==
As I started a new life in my new Country, I recognized that I need to change my ways, I sought some help, but was told by counselors that I was doing fine and I have terrific resilience to survive and start a new life. JUST PUT THE PAST BEHIND YOU.

To most people, I looked very successful in my new life, having accomplished so much in very short time on my own, adjusted very nicely to new culture, got a professional degree from top university, started a very competitive career, find a lovely wife and belonged to a church. Just everything, I dreamed of and even more.

Few years later, I started a successful business in a field I truly enjoyed and loved.

==Breakdown==
By this stage, we have two beautiful children, lovely large house in the suburb with a paid mortgage and business about to take off to new scale, thinking of going public or securing major financing, then, my wife of 20 years goes on a anger rampage and started name calling and verbal abuse, oh, there we go again, that sounds familiar, my childhood trauma was all forgotten!, so I thought.

This led to a major depression and breakdown that lasted for years, relationship with my wife got really tough, lots of fighting at home. sought marriage counseling, no vail.

Meanwhile, business dwindled, for business reasons or due to my depression or both, not sure.

After 4 years of continued arguments at home, she suggested that I move out, to get a job out of state. So I moved to another State (10 hours drive) on my own for six years , coming home every month and family occasion, Hoping this would fix the problems but marriage continued to go downhill and so was my depression. But during those 6 years away from home, the Lord gave me a spiritual renewal,

==My Recovery==

===Co-dependent on my wife===

===Back to childhoold trauma===
===Restore who I am===

===Understand my behaviour as result of my emotional needs as a child===

===Identify my childhood emotional needs===
*Lack of Love
*Lack of Security
*Lack of Praise
*Putdown: you are going to be nothing
*You will never make it in life:
*There is something wrong with you

===Wrong beliefs===
*Judgmental; legalistic
*We are worthless
*Christians should behave in a correct fashion

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Paul: 1 revision

Paul at 07:42, 12 November 2011